Amour Fou

I

En mi forma de amar quiero a personas que no conozco
Y amo lugares que nunca pisé
Y recuerdos que nunca tuve
O que palpitan lejanos

II

Hoy te quitaste la foto de perfil de Twitter
Y me parece un gesto adorable
Y tú sigues obsesionado con las actrices de la nouvelle vague
Y yo sigo obsesionada con actores que se van a morir
Actores franceses que nunca conoceré
Y los dos somos demasiado tímidos
Así que yo te miento, y tú me dices que estás ocupado
Y yo imagino, y tú sigues todavía en tu cine de autor
Me da igual que digas que estás viejo
Para mí has vuelto a la tierra

III

La poesía no es una puta
Solo vosotros habéis decidido su precio

Do changes matter? Yes, they do

What is the sense of the commercial films if they're not real.
The bad girl will don't turn to good just for you. And not every people is ready to move on. Not all the people change, they sometimes get stuck on their things.
Some people still remember you like you were years in the past. And you can't just say "I'm not like that" anymore.
I feel like I'm behind all these people. They are sitted on the table and I'm the dog behind them, protected by itself. I'm not useful, and every time I say yes I'm probably lying. I can't even focus on what I am or feel like, so how can I really think about something you're telling to me? I'm lying to you on the face and you just smile to me.
Like you didn't care.

I want change, I feel that sensation inside of me. I'm stucked here, I look with anger and loneliness, but on the inside I know I want that change on me. I suppose that in real life, people who change isn't lying. But the point is that they don't tell you. And you only see them changing.
I know lately I've been changing, and I can assume that. I just want to complete that changes on me, make them real.
I just want to stop feeling like in a commercial film. Where nothing is real, but the feelings, oh man, you feel them as yours. I want to someone saying me again "At the start I thought you were boring, but I saw you changing, and you're so different since I met you". Then I could add "and I'm better".
It's all about being better person. Nor even bad or good, just better than you are right now. Change is passing the filter of the real life.
(Written in 2019)